"There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense." 

-Jane Austen

Uni's finished and I'm not happy with my performance at all. I let bad choices consume me and I'm going to take this Summer to really prioritise what I need to do with my life. I keep saying it but I can't be continuously unhappy with myself right? Especially with my own choices with my study.
Work is picking up again. Moved from Lyric to Capitol and I'm sad about it, but the shifts are looking good so I shouldn't be caught up in the fact that I didn't want to leave Lyric in the first place. Said goodbye to Morgan today and I am actually really buggered! Sent Max a birthday message and I got the sweetest message back. I feel so appreciated, ha.
Reconnected with a great friend after not talking for what seemed like weeks (probably a week) and just how we're always picking one another up happily. Amo a mi mejor amiga muchos!
Estoy muy triste debido a tu.

¡Hola! ¿Comó estás?

Me llamo Jenny Lam, soy australiana y vivo en Sidney. Hablo vietnamita, inglés y poco de español. Soy estudiante en la universidad tecnología Sidney. Voy a universidad dos días por semana. Trabajo en la Lyric teatro Sidney como barmen por uno año. Trabajo dos o tres días por semana. Tengo 19 años y mi cumpleaños es el 29 de noviembre 1992. Tengo no muchos amigos porque las gentes son estúpidas y groseras. Porque tengo mi novio y mis mejores amigos y yo los quiero mucho.

Mi novio es James Pereira y yo veía él todos los días porque yo lo quiero James mucho. James vive cerca de mi casa y trabaja como barmen con yo en la Lyric teatro. James es muy guapo, muy inteligente y muy divertido y él es mi mejor amigo y mi novio.

En este momento, estoy estudiando español porque tengo un examen el jueves. Hoy he comido con James en Cabramatta porque él he venido a mi casa. También he ejercido este mañana.

Mañana tengo un examen y una clase de español. El jueves tengo presentación y examen de español. Después de examen de español, yo termino universidad!

Pienso voy a las playas, voy de la compras con mis amigos, trabajo mucho, estudio español y voy New Caledonia con mis amigos y James. Estoy emocionado pero subrayó. No quiero estudiar pero termine pronto!!!!!!!!!

I'm avoiding any real study by typing this out. Grrrrrrrrrr I really cbf to study.

It's been a long time! Well, it feels like it.
But nothing much has changed. I'm even more behind on my uni work, but I'm determined to study properly until the 9th of November when THERE WILL BE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THIS DARK, SLOW TUNNEL. James gave me a prep talk yesterday and it motivated me and also makes me count my lucky stars all the time. I'm so thankful for my life, I really am. I cannot be happier and I can't wait to continue to grow and continue to be happy!

Hello my new baby! I gave my iPhone to my brother and he's so happy about it, haha. But I am so totes in love with my new phone! So is James. We tried using his old Samsung Galaxy S and it felt like we were playing with an old Nokia phone! I just need my phone cover to come and for James to take me to the Mimco store so we can see if the Mimco Pouch fits my phone - (he hates my old wallet, my birthday is coming up and my wallet is going to die). So let's hope!

Happy 20th Jimmy!!!!! It was his party on Saturday night and it was a good night out! Let off some steam, had some cake, hehe. Had late night fatty food and came back over in the morning for pancakes and ice cream and chicken!!! Then James and I took out Jimmy's little sister and she is adorbs!!!!!!!!!!!!! There was also a bird stuck in a cage at Straithfield and we really wanted to get it out but James couldn't pull the gate open :( I have also spent every night from Friday to Tuesday with James and I miss him already right now :( 

Ohhh and on Sunday it was also our 11 months! Forgot to mention that this was the day after Jimmy's birthday and he spent the first hour and a half passed out in the back of my car. Haha I love you, James and no doubt ever that you feel the same way about me. Cannot believe it's less than a month until our one year and cannot believe that in 2 days it would've been the first time I laid eyes on him! (Cheesy, but true. Didn't take us long to go out haha and didn't take us much to start talking either!)

Uni is nearly over - NEARLY.

I said I'd start doing work and I haven't. It's Week 11 of uni and I finish in less than 3 weeks - why can't I do this!? Why can't I be committed?

At least with my exercise I've been somewhat more committed than I have with my studies. James and I started doing the bay run a few times a week and I can feel myself improving. I can never express how lucky I am to have him, he puts up with my anger while we run because he makes me run until I can feel my stomach in my chest and the burn in my legs and the heaviness in my breathing increases. I keep telling myself  I need to be better with my fitness, 'to strive for progress, not perfection' and he helps me with that. One day I'll be able to do the 7kms, but I know for a while I'll stick with running and walking in intervals. I can't push myself knowing how easily I can drop my pace and start walking, but I hope with him I'll be able to keep running!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One day, baby, one day!

And I've said this EVERYWHERE, but we ordered our Note 2s on Thursday morning!!!!!!! We're getting it for one another for our one year/Christmas & my birthday present because we're poor and we're more than happy to be tightarses with one another but it's coming super dooper early and I'm excited!! Except we thought we'd be getting it this morning, but it's not being dispatched until the 18th :( Meaning not until Friday or Monday next week! Why!!??!?! Our stupid car kit for the phone came though. How silly is that!? I'm giving my iPhone 4G to my brother, and he's lucky because there are absolutely no scratches on it and it's only a year and a half old (barely). 

We've started watching Homeland and IT IS SO CRAZY INTENSE. I can't watch it at times because it's so suspenseful!!! So if you haven't watched Homeland, WATCH IT.

I'm in an old school/good rnb mood today. Weird, huh?

Yesterday - Toni Braxton & Trey Songz. 

My favourite song of all time, seriously, hands down.

On Bended Knee - Boyz II Men

Water Runs Dry - Boyz II Men

End of the Road - Boyz II Men

I'll Make Love To You - Boyz II Men

Be better, not bitter. Why do I always find myself in this situation?

I've been swamped with work. Legally Blonde is now showing, so that means we have shifts again! Had stock shifts from Tuesday to half of Thursday, then a proper shift at night, then double on Saturday and a shift on Sunday. It felt good to have the Friday and the Monday off. Then I have work again today.

Defqon 1, was of course, amazing. However I just felt like shit from 9pm until Monday, so it was definitely a sure sign for me to take it easy and it turned me off going out for a while. Now James and I are contemplating whether to go Stereosonic or not, but we have our tickets and I wouldn't feel right at all if I didn't go. Stereosonic in 2010 was my favourite (and first) festival, and I don't want to miss out because I'm lazy...

ANYWAY, The Script was last night and I WAS SO CLOSE TO DANNY. So close. James pushed me to touch his hand when he leaned down but EVERYONE WAS IN MY WAY. I was two people away, TWO. I'll never be that close again!!!!!!!!!!!!! They have such a great stage presence, and I am a satisfied cookie!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Many, many things have happened. I should probably dot point them:

• Right before we got into the gates of Defqon, my parents called me up to tell me that they've broken James' bike key in his ignition... My father the genius. We decided not to worry about it until the next day, when we found out that they actually broke his work locker key into the ignition, and we were so relieved that we didn't have to get his key replaced seeing as we haven't got a copy of his key, (which we said we would, for months, but didn't.. This is a sure sign)
• I swear there were so much more to blog about. I guess not. My life is borrrrring.
• Oh right, work!!!! We had stock shifts and they were long and tiring. Work is back and I'm so glad, so so glad, and I hope I continuously get shifts because I have too many things to save up for (James' Christmas gift, 1 year gift, Vietnam airplane ticket, P&O Cruise, then in May, pay for the ski lifts for Perisher next year!)
• Our ten months was spent being tired with one another. Romantic, hey? We headed down to Parramatta from Balmain (biggest treck) to have lunch with my aunty and her new bubba! He is adorable. Fat and adorable!! Then at night we went to like, Lancove to Straithfield and back again for Noggi with James' friends where my excitement for The Script built up!!!!!!!!!
• THEN IT WAS THE SCRIPT LAST NIGHT. We ate our steaks too fast, but apart from that it was amazing!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY SUCH A GOOD NIGHT, I WANT TO RELIVE IT (except for when all these people pushed and squashed us, but who cares!!!!! We were so close!! And the crowd was amazing, singing and all!)
• AND I HAVE TO DO MY ASSIGNMENT. OK BYE.

AND I WANT THE NOTE 2, I can't wait to be waving it around and wacking people with it!!!

Okay, my photo won't rotate and I don't know how to on this thing, but, like, HE'S TWO HEADS AWAY. SO CLOSE YET SO FAR.

This was during "For The First Time". I LOVE YOU THE SCRIPT.

Guess what!!!! It's 11.38pm on this ugly Thursday and that means my two week mid-sem break started at 3pm today!!!! How cold was it today? I decided to wear shorts because it was warm in the morning and after my Spanish exam it was raining and windy (Is that a hint world!?) and people looked at me like I was crazy.

My umbrella broke so James bought me a new one, and that one broke so we had to go back and swap it. In the end, we didn't need to really use it because the wind made it useless. We went to get dumplings and that hit the spot. I went to catch my bus back to Balmain (while he rode) and of course, as soon as I get to the bus stand, I miss the three buses I could've caught. Told myself that I don't get on the 443, and guess what? It comes and I get on. Luckily I panicked as I saw the right bus behind me, went up and asked and manage to jump on the right bus. Even luckier, I had one bus ticket slot left and I used it to get onto the right bus. What. A. Mission.

I've been studying (or attempting to study) Spanish for the last few days and I got to admit, I can't put it any other way, but it was like Spanish shoved it's hand so far up my butt that I probably failed that exam. I'm hoping I did well enough to pass, but we'll see. But, I'm taking this as a sign and I should be more proactive towards my Spanish studies and I promise I will start right after Defqon and during my mid-semester break.
Other than that, I am looking forward to two weeks of Breaking Bad (if the newest episode has come out yet) and catching up on Suits.

And seeing as it is September, we resume work next week and I have never been more happy to be making money again. Not even that but I miss my work mates and I miss doing something rather than studying/pretending to study/going to university to do the previous. Actually now that I think about it, September should be an exciting month:

• First off, I started my break today.
• Defqon is this Saturday and I really hope the weather picks up. I hate the rain and I hate being cold and I hate the wind and I don't want to be sick.
• Work commences on Tuesday and really, I miss working and doing something rather than thinking about university
• Somewhere in between I start interning! Yay for experience!
• Um I just checked my calender and it's our ten months next week? How does time fly by so fast? Now I understand why couples forget their monthly date, but I think it's important to remember. We do try to celebrate when it does come around, just to show that we still do try for each other and do cute things even if it's not a big deal anymore.
• Monday, 24th September is THE SCRIPT. James managed to book us tickets and I wanted to cry of excitement but I couldn't because I was studying and I couldn't get too excited and oh my god I'm not breathing. I am so freaking excited but I want to hold my excitement until I am there and I have pushed my way to the front and make Danny sign my head.
• Then that Friday we're heading up to Perisher with Cynthia (I had to look up her link from her facebook, but honestly, she knits and she does it so well and I'm just so jealous!!!!!!!) and Jason because we have free lift passes! I hope there's fresh snow and I hope my favourite track is still there!!! And maybe even the 'upper rollercoaster' will be there, but maybe not because it's the last weekend of the season.
• Then it's October and it's assessment time and I might as well try to get a head start while I can. (Being proactive, remember?)

The iPhone 5 was launched today and to be quite frank... I wasn't impressed. I mean, it's true, it does look like the iPhone 4 but a slightly newer generation and it doesn't interest me at all. I mean it's sleek but the difference between the 3GS and the 4G was massive, and I guess I was expecting some crane-shaped phone that would be able to cook food and drive my car for me (I wish). Such a shame because I was looking forward to it, but after Korea and seeing everyone having a Samsung S3 or a Samsung Note, I am now waiting for the Samsung Note 2 to come out and decide. I cannot stand my phone anymore, it's battery life is like, 30% by the time it's 1pm. But from the looks of it, the Note 2 will be impressive and I really want a phone with a massive screen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plus I want to get out of this rubbish $60 plan I'm on and jump back onto prepaid which is half that amount. Besides, I can't have a contract if it's two years because well, it'll be useless in Spain.

No pictures today, I am lazy and my internet is just stupid. Although I'm always updating my instagram!! Okay I have nothing left to ramble about, xo

I have to count my blessings. Continuously. I have to remind myself how lucky I am and that sulking my way through life won't get me anywhere. Okay, so what if I'm missing out on The Script (also knowing the person I am, wait for Tuesday and the Monday they're performing for me to take all that back), I've got a tonne of irreplaceable experiences right? And many more to come. Who knows, maybe when I'm in Europe in 2014, I'll be able to go to wherever The Script is, hunt them down and get them to perform for me. (Yep, that's as likely as when I went to Trey Songz/Usher concert and was convinced that I was going to be the one chosen to make out with Trey Songz. Although a girl I went to school with did get chosen by Trey Songz at a club a while back to make out with him. Oh, I loathe thee.)

My blessings counts as the following:

This is my boyfriend, my best friend, the better other half of me. He puts up with my whining, my stubbornness, with my crying, with my PMS, with my wants, my cravings, my annoying ways, my farts (ha), my burps, my tendency to push him over the line by hurting him and then apoligising when it actually does happen. 

And the fact that this post has been in my draft for a night and we were about to fall asleep and then he tells me that we will go to The Script and he will try to get us tickets because he knows how much it would mean to me if we go!! (You could tell I didn't even breathe when I typed out that sentence). Okay, so a side of me is cheering because I literally cried my way into it, but the other side feels guilty for being so upset about it. But I don't care anymore! We're going to try to get tickets to see The Script! So now I have to try to not get upset if we don't get tickets and I have to try to not put my hopes up. But I am hoping! Okay enough.

Anyway, this man is persistent, patient, hard-working, such a boy, the biggest dork and he loves me. How do I know that? Every time I ask him why he doesn't love me, he lectures me. So, there we have it - he loves me. But apart from that, he's one of those rare people. He's wonderful, he's generous, selfless in so many ways, determined and intelligent. Not only that, but he went to the Army and how many girls can say that their boyfriend has served in the Australian Army full time? 

He got happy fat with me and never failed to remind me that he thinks I'm beautiful. He took me to Thailand and South Korea and he took me to the snows. He taught me how to snowboard and again, he had to put up with my crying. He's the best teacher and he tries to help me in any way that he can. At four months, he got me a YSL ring knowing how much I wanted it and did it because he wanted me to be happy. He knocks sense into me every single time. You see, he's the logical side of me.

And besides, his father's a Masterchef and who doesn't love good food? Oh and his mum is adorable. She took us all over Korea and I don't think without her we would've had as much fun. I want to be like her when I'm older - travels, adventures, experiences. You should see how much she 'wanders' and just finds the cutest  places! (And this is in Korea!)

My two favourites!!!!! These two never fail to steer me in the wrong direction or fail to have a good time. Christina's my rock, like, she's the logical side of me when James isn't (or when I'm fighting with James.. Yep, it's the latter) and she's just always there for a good bitch. I don't know where I'd be without her and I can't wait to be in Spain with her! She's just a ray of sunshine and she's just always so bubbly and excited and she makes me bubbly and excited. (And you know me, I'm never bubbly).

And Quoc is just my girlfraaaaaaan. But he's very, very inspirational. He's going Rio, Japan, doing a Euro trip, working like 2 jobs and at university at the same time. As annoying and mean as he is, he is very wise and I'm so glad I have him in my life. 

And here is the only photo of us all!!!!!!! I love these guys with everything, they are like my family. We're all stupid and try to hang out and study together and we get annoyed at each other and all, but no doubt, every single time I am with them I have the best time. We've gotten stuck in a carpark, we've accidentally got too drunk at a birthday and kicked on, we've spent countless nights doing nothing and eating crap and talking. Our phones go off continuously (except for Ben's and James', because no one uses a Samsung) and we're a cute little group. 

AND THIS GIRL (with her massive, giant boyfriend, Anth and Son), we've grown up together and we're basically soul sisters. Really. She should be Shirley Lam instead of Shirley Huynh, I swear. We hardly see each other, but when we do, it's a massive tradition of catching up over Thai food and drinking Coca Colas. I really do miss her and I owe her a birthday dinner! Plus, her and Anthony are only my favourite couple ever. I talk to him when I miss her, and he talks to me if she's not there. I talk to him to get to her and no surprise that he would always know where she is. They're one person. 

And then there's Vivian and Andrea, whom I miss sooooo, wayyyy too much. Their presents from Korea are still sitting on my make up table and I know we're always busy but I really hope I do see them soon. They're the only ones I really talk to from high school, and it saddens me that I haven't seen them in so long! Ah! 

If there's one thing, and one thing only, any person should know about me is that I love The Script. And I'm not saying I'm their biggest fan, or that I've bought the albums legally (I'm so sorry, I'll change that one day) but their songs (as gay as this will sound) really did just help me through a hard period of my life and it's just, words can't explain. I really do love their music - Skip to any part of 'The Man Who Can't Be Moved' and I'll pick it up and start singing, even if it is mid song. I want to cry every time I listen 'If You Ever Come Back' and it's not just because it's associated with memories and pain; I just find it as an insanely relate-worthy-to song. (I just discovered there's no such word as 'relatable' is there?)

They're coming to Sydney in a fortnight, but I'm not going. And I don't know what will break my heart more, the fact that I won't be there that night or the fact that I won't even want to be at home listening to The Script (curled up in my bed, with a bucket of ice cream, please) or even if I was going, and I was trying to get tickets, and I couldn't........ Or that you don't want to go, even knowing how much it would mean to me.

I'm actually sitting here crying to them this moment, it's just so sad. Why can't anyone understand how sad their music makes me feel? In an absolutely good girly way though - I would put myself in a position to cry to their songs if you gave me the chance.

Two things getting me through life:

And I love instagram and pretty food and pretty photos and THIS is what I want all Summer:

This always makes me giggle and always feels like it rings true, even if I'm not there yet. But happy people look like better people, so:

And this might be one of my favourite extracts, ever. I always read it now and again, and it's just one of those things that hit home hard and you think to yourself, life's too short to waste. But it's not a waste to cry to/because of The Script, I am still dying and wanting and wanting to die to see The Script.

'Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.' - Steve Jobs, Commencement address, 2005.

I ramble a lot, I'll stop now.

My biggest pain in life right now is this group assessment and my Spanish mid-exam next week. And the fact that I haven't gone for my daily run or have done my squats/lunges for the past two days because I've been doing my assignment, of course, last minute again.

But you know, 

I said I'd kick this habit, but it's honestly hard when you do a communications course and you have all the time in the world to tell yourself you don't need to do anything. It's even more hard when you have a lovely boyfriend who's finished his diploma and so he's chilling for the current time. I'm sorry but cuddling in bed and watching Breaking Bad back to back > sitting in my chair and attempting to read scholarly sources that I have no interest or care about.

I don't know how people put up with me sometimes, I whine so much. At work, Max and Morgan always have to put up with my whining. Christina does, too. And James, oh James cops the most of it. But you know what, at least my whining isn't plastered all over the internet. Usually I whine about the most petty things, like, "why do I have assessments? :(" to which James always reminds me that it's for the future. He always grounds me, I am very, very lucky.

Oooh just heard some chick speak Spanish next to me - although I think she's just reading. I really do have to commit myself. In saying this, I have 3 minutes until Spanish and I'm sitting here starting to blog again.

Despite everything that has happened, I am very very happy. Having a girl-date with Quoc the other night made me appreciate the fact that I am actually in debt because I have traveled and I feel okay knowing that I probably won't have money in my 20s, until my late 20s, because of all my travel expenditures. We have all the time in the world to make money, but you only live once (that's the motto, nigga yolo) and we might as well make it count.